i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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