It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
