So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
