You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
