oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
