sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
