Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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