Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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