If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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