If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
