What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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