Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
