Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
