I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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