Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
