I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I touched a dick in church today
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
