I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
