Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Randomize
