i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
