i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
