I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
