i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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