The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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