its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
