Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
