My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
