If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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