This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
