I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
