I cannot find my penis.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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