I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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