I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
