Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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