why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
