I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
