OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
