32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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