someone get that fucking seahorse.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
