He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I intend to get homeless drunk
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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