So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
