I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
