Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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