I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
