his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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