do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
