i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
