Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(501): View more from Arkansas

i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there

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(954): View more from Florida

you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.

Fav 21 6563 1022
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(203): View more from Connecticut

I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.

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(810): View more from Michigan

She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.

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(323): View more from California

I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.

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(757): View more from Virginia

Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself

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(+64): View more from New Zealand

I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.

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