I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
