Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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