Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
